Love is Hell
by Black Dragon6
Summary: (Secondary) This time around, Ranma didn't fall into the Spring of Drowned Girl. This is a very different spring, and a very different curse. Can the women of Japan survive? Can Ranma, for that matter?


Love is Hell  
  
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction  
  
by Black Dragon  
  
revcoll@peoplepc.com  
  
Okay. I don't own Ranma, and I don't own any characters from other anime that I may throw into this at random. For once, I will try to stick to characters that already exist instead of making up my own, so don't sue me.  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Jusenkyou, Take 4  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
"Here sirs, we come to ancient Chinese training ground, Jusenkyou, valley of cursed springs!" The guide rambled on about some of the mountain ranges and geography concerning the valley as his two customers looked over the springs in mild interest.  
  
"Eh, this place doesn't look so special," the youth with a pigtail mumbled. He had been to plenty of training grounds more impressive than this one.  
  
The older man, who was bald and toting an impressive amount of bulk, shrugged off his backpack and leapt for the bamboo poles. "Come on Ranma!"  
  
"Right behind you!" Ranma followed Genma into the midst of the springs, landing on his own bamboo pole.  
  
"Oh sir, you very strange, no? Nobody use training ground any more!" The guide was ignored as the two combatants faced off against each other.  
  
"I won't go easy on you boy!" Genma growled out.  
  
"That's just the way I like it!" Ranma retorted, and they launched themselves at each other.  
  
"Oh sirs! Very bad you fall in spring!" Seeing that he was still being ignored, the guide sat down and watched the scene play out as it always did.  
  
  
  
*Pow* *Splash*  
  
"Whatsa' matter Pop? We done already?" Ranma taunted from above his pole, smiling smugly down into the pool.  
  
*Boom* Out came a panda.  
  
Ranma stood on the pole gaping as the panda alighted on the bamboo pole that stuck out from that spring and took up an offensive stance.  
  
"Ah, sir fall in Spring of Drowned Panda. Very tragic story of panda that fall in spring and drown 1,500 year ago! Now whenever person fall in, they take body of panda! Is very cursed spring!" The guide passed along his usual story.  
  
"What? You didn't say nothing about no curse!" Ranma yelled at the guide, and almost missed the fact that the panda was attacking.  
  
Almost. The panda flew past him, paw stretched out in a clumsly imitation of a punch. Apparently Genma hadn't noticed that he had gained a fair amount of mass, because his trajectory pulled him short of the next spring and sent him tumbling on the ground.  
  
Ranma did manage to evade the punch, but had unfortunately lost the precarious balance necessary to stand on the tip of a bamboo pole.  
  
*Splash*  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Water.  
  
That's all he was aware of, all that it was. Cold, clear, simple, water.  
  
Or maybe not so simple.  
  
A million thoughts rushed through his head, most of them pertaining as to how a little pool of water could have changed his father into a panda bear.  
  
There was a fair amount of speculation as to what would happen to him, too.  
  
Was he going to turn into a panda? Or maybe some other creature? What if he turned into something that couldn't swim? If he drowned, would that make this spring the Spring of Drowned Martial Artist?  
  
Eventually, his burning lungs informed him that it would be best to save such questions for after he got out of the pool. If he could get out.  
  
  
  
*Goosh*  
  
Ranma gasped, sucking almost as much water as air into his lungs. He spent the next twenty seconds coughing up the water, trying to get his breathing back to normal. He let out a shuddering sigh as he clung to the edge of the spring, still submerged up to his chest.  
  
Suddenly his newfound breath caught in his throat, and he stared at his hands before letting out an even longer sigh. They were human hands.  
  
Curiously, he started to wonder if this spring wasn't cursed like the others. Then the thought occured to him that maybe a person had fallen in rather than an animal. His panic returning, he started checking himself over.  
  
After checking his gender, hair, and reflection in the disturbed pool and finding nothing amiss, he had gone back to pondering until he noticed the guide and panda standing above him.  
  
The guide shook his head slowly, and the panda took a sign out of nowhere. [Boy! You're still you!]  
  
Ranma climbed out of the pool and scratched his head. Oddly enough, he did feel... different, somehow. He couldn't put it into words.  
  
"Yeah, what's the deal? Not that I'm complaining, but shouldn't I turn into an arddvark or something?"  
  
The guide scratched his head, then looked around. "Uh, sir, you see, you fall into very special spring. Not change body."  
  
Ranma blinked. "So what's that mean? What did it do to me?"  
  
The guide sighed, and lowered his head. "Not many decade ago, young wandering rogue go to nearby Amazon village of Joketsuzoku. This man, he charm and seduce many young womans in village."  
  
The guide looked up, tipping his hat down slightly. "Village elders not like this. Man not warrior. Village men like this even less. They drive young man out of village, to this spring, where he drown. Is very tragic story!"  
  
Ranma stared at him, water dripping from his hair in front of his face. "Which would make this spring...?"  
  
"Spring of Drowned Playboy."  
  
*Crash* Ranma and Genma both fell over.  
  
"You've got to be kidding me! What's that mean?"  
  
The guide shrugged. "Me not really know. No one fall in spring before."  
  
Genma had long grown tired of this; the boy still had opposable thumbs, so he would be fine. Him, on the other hand......  
  
[Is there a cure?]  
  
The guide shook his head sadly. "Is no cure I know of. Hot water turn back to normal, but cold water change to cursed body again. Me very sorry."  
  
The panda went bug-eyed, and started waving signs around in the air randomly. [I can't go see Tendo like this!] [What is Nodoka going to think?] [I wonder if pandas get free handouts in the neighboring villages?]  
  
Ranma ignored him for the most part, and instead resolved to listen to the guide instead of his father. At this point, it seemed the wisest thing to do.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Genma trudged along, still in panda form, following his son and the guide through a path in the forest. He had wanted to change back into a human, but the guide had said that the village was close enough so that they could get some hot water there, if not some food and a place to sleep. He tuned out what was said after that.  
  
The boy seemed far more intent on listening to the man, though even he seemed disinterested with the history of the general area, though after Jusenkyou, Genma was glad one of them was putting forth the effort to listen, if just for the sake of caution.  
  
His son. He had been observing the boy closely since they left the springs, and had slowly began to realize that the boy was different. It wasn't any big deal, just the little things. For one thing, his posture had improved slightly. He had always had a sort of fluid grace about him, but at the same time it was loose, and even rather lazy. Now he stood straight, as if at attention. His grammar had also improved a little bit, just to the point that someone who had been accustomed to a lifetime of rough speech would notice it.  
  
There was a physical difference too, if ever so slight. Somehow, Ranma just seemed less... macho. Not as rough. He was still as muscular and unshaven as before, but now his features had an air of elegance to them. If he had to put it into words, he'd say that the boy looked far more mature, but not a week older than when he took the plunge just an hour ago. Which was odd even to him, since until then he's always held age and maturity to the same meaning.  
  
  
  
The guards resting against the wall of the wooden palisade straightened immediately at the sight of two men and a third figure approaching. Their expressions of mute alertness turning to curiosity as they realized that one of the men they had never seen before, and the other figure was a panda.  
  
Ranma tensed up as they approached the two women hefting tall spears. He couldn't imagine why, or why when his body relaxed after a moment, he focused all his attention on them, taking in every detail of their appearance. The way their clothes set off their attractive, lithe figures, and showed a generous amount of flesh. Their long, exotic hair, which on one of them was tied into a long braid that draped over one shoulder. All in all, a couple of very enticing packages.  
  
'Hmmm... they're a little bit older than I'd like, but I suppose there's no harm in trying.' Almost as an afterthought, Ranma wondered what the hell he was thinking.  
  
{Halt! Guide, who is this? And what is this panda doing here?} Cabinet tried to look like she was sizing up the stranger, but she was fairly sure any who were watching could tell she was mentally undressing him.  
  
From the looks of things, Sash wasn't doing any better, though being a bit younger and unattached, she wasn't nearly as discreet about it.  
  
The guide didn't notice. {These two are from Japan, and they just came from the Jusenkyou. The older man fell in the Spring of Drowned Panda.} He didn't really feel like explaining the Spring of Drowned Playboy to everybody who asked about the foreigners, so he let them assume he hadn't gotten cursed.  
  
Cabinet smiled. She knew a fair amount of Japanese. "Hello! Welcome to our village!"  
  
To Genma's surprise, Ranma stepped forward and took a short bow. "I'm honored to be here. I don't get to meet many guards as beautiful as you two in my travels."  
  
Cabinet blushed. Sash smiled brightly and looked at him hungrily. The guide shook his head.  
  
Genma just gaped. Ranma was flirting?  
  
Ranma gave a warm smile. "Ah, but here you are guarding the gates during a festival! The guide told me about the tournament. You should be enjoying yourselves with your husbands!"  
  
Cabinet licked her suddenly dry lips. Yes, husband. She had one of those already, didn't she?  
  
Sash had no such restrictions, and opted to make that clear as soon as possible.  
  
"Sash no have husband! And no longer looking either!" She grinned and stepped forward, moving her shoulders to give an excellent view of her cleavage.  
  
  
  
To both the guards' disappointment, Genma chose that time to snap out of his shocked stupor, and grabbed Ranma by the collar before dragging him away into the village. Ranma didn't resist in any way, simply giving the guards a friendly wave goodbye.  
  
They waved back, then fell against each other and sighed longingly once he was gone.  
  
{What a MAN!} Sash immediately fell into a daydream involving her, the young man, a hot spring, and a total lack of clothing.  
  
Cabinet didn't notice the line of drool running from her companion's mouth. {I should have searched him, don't you think?}  
  
Sash sighed and nodded. {Yes, who knows where he might have hidden a weapon? Under his shirt, under his belt... in his pants...}  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Genma ran on ahead of the guide, then rushed behind a hut, pinning his son to the wall of the building with his hairy arms, and glaring down at him with large, panda eyes.  
  
[Boy, what do you think you were doing back there?] Genma demanded, waving the sign in the air.  
  
Ranma shook his head slowly. He was confused. Very confused. When he had been talking to those women, he had had a strange, warm feeling inside of him, sort of like the adrenaline rush he got whenever he was in a good fight. Only when his father had taken him away, a sort of cold emptiness formed where that warmth had been. The chill was quickly subsiding, but it was still rather disorienting.  
  
"I... I don't know. I just... got the urge to talke to them." He shrugged. "Oh well, maybe it's part of this weird curse. It doesn't matter that much, does it?"  
  
Genma was sweating, not just because it was hot and he was wearing a thick coat of coarse fur, but also because he trying to get his cognitive faculties into gear.  
  
Ranma had never shown interest in girls. Ever.  
  
Genma figured this was a good thing. Women tended to distract a man from his training, and with Ranma, that could not be allowed. That's why he had left the Kuonji girl behind. Well, okay, there was also the Tendo engagement thing, but barring that, he just didn't want a girl's charms and affections disrupting the boy's training. There was also the fear that he would someday end up becoming another Happousai. Genma had no idea exactly how this could or would happen, but he was fairly sure that isolating Ranma from females would prevent it.  
  
Then suddenly an idea caught in his mind. If this curse worked like he assumed it would (and when has Genma ever been wrong? Hmm? Anybody?), then now would be the perfect time to introduce him to Soun's daughters. He had been planning to do it soon anyway, but now it was imperetive, as the boy was now in a small village full of very athletic female warriors. He knew firsthand the awesome power of the Saotome charm, and with the boy unable to control it, and that curse making him flirt with every woman he sees.........  
  
About then, the man-turned-panda looked back down, and realized that his prisoner had left.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Shampoo gave out a triumphant yell of victory as Dowel went flying off the challenge log. She stepped off the log, grinning as the announcer declared her the winner and champion, and the crowd cheered her name.  
  
As the excitement from the final battle and the tournament in general settled down, the spectators and defeated combatants began to disperse, some speaking of things yet to do, some praising the skill of the victor, and others muttering dejectedly while nursing their wounds.  
  
Shampoo didn't give a second glance to any of them, walking straight towards the table laden with food, the first prize for winning the tournament.  
  
Her eyes barely swept over the one group of young amazons that hadn't already gone about their business; they were all huddled in a circle, and many of them hadn't even been in the tournament, as they were still in early training.  
  
Her eyes momentarily caught onto the back of one of the taller ones, and she recognized Soap's long green ponytail amidst the pre-teen trainees that were vainly trying to get past her towards whatever lay in the middle of the crowd.  
  
Soap was one of her primary rivals among the other warriors in the tribe. Not in the sense that she presented any real threat to Shampoo's standing in the tribe-she was good, but not that good-but because the other girl had long been jealous of Shampoo's relationship with Mousse. Shampoo didn't really understand it, as Soap apparently didn't think much of Mousse at all, save his devotion to Shampoo. She apparently wished that one of the village men would treat her like that, and since none did (though there were plenty who tried less aggressive tactics) she was jealous, especially as Shampoo could apparently respond to Mousse's advancements by pummeling the hidden weapons master with no loss of affection from him.  
  
Shampoo had often wondered if the girl would think the same way if she had some half-blind nitwit proclaiming their love to her, or rather objects near her, every day of her wretched life.  
  
Shampoo thought it was a stupid thing to be jealous of, and made no effort to keep her opinion from Soap. The other girl seemed to take this personally for some reason, and had trained harder and harder in the hope to overtake Shampoo in the tournaments and training sessions.  
  
Shampoo snickered to herself at that. Soap had done well, but she still didn't even get to fight Shampoo before she was knocked off the log by a quarterstaff to the shoulder.  
  
The victorious Amazon wasn't one to go out of her way to gloat over such a thing, but her gaze did linger in the crowd long enough to land on the subject of its interest.  
  
Shampoo stopped in mid-stride, and nearly tumbled.  
  
Staring for a moment, she moved to get a better viewing angle, then slowly smiled.  
  
Now fully grinning, the voluptious Amazon stepped forward to claim and enjoy her feast.  
  
Some of the spectators that were still watching her noted that she was no longer heading towards the table of food.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Ranma chatted amiably with the greenhead in front of him, her body language growing more suggestive as he complimented her obvious athletic ability. As to what she was suggesting, Ranma still wasn't sure. He had a vague sense of where he was going with this, but...  
  
The other girls around him either glared harshly at Soap or simply stared at him dreamily, those that could speak Japanese occasionally trying to get a word in between Soap's rapid flirting.  
  
Soap herself had finally pushed all the way to him, and was now tracing a figure on his chest with one finger while casually asking him where he was staying while he was in the village. Or at least as casually as one can ask in broken Japanese while openly throwing oneself at the subject of one's attentions.  
  
When she didn't get an immediate response, she looked up to see that the handsome foreigner had his gaze focused elsewhere. After a moment he replied that he didn't know where he was staying that night, but his eyes hadn't wavered.  
  
She was going to go ahead and suggest anyway that he stay with her, in her house, and if all went well, in her bed, when a high-pitched, arrogant voice called out behind her.  
  
{Soap, you shouldn't be up and about like this with such an injury. You could aggravate your shoulder!}  
  
The words were caring, though the tone was amused. Soap bristled as the girls behind her scurried off before the village champion.  
  
"Ranma," Soap ground out through gritted teeth, "this Shampoo." The three words exited her mouth as if she had spoken her most hated and despicable secret.  
  
Ranma had been appraising her ever since she first noticed him. Long legs, smooth curves, and a cute face framed by luxurious purple hair that was done up in two odangos that hung next to the swell of her ample chest.  
  
Soap was hardly any less attractive than Shampoo, but the emerald-haired girl seemed to yield to the village champion, and seemed less confident.  
  
Ranma made his move as he saw Shampoo rehearsing her Japanese greeting in her head and getting ready to speak.  
  
His warm, friendly smile somehow blasted away coherent thinking for a moment, and Shampoo's train of thought was sent reeling.  
  
"Shampoo, is it? Heh. An adorable name, to fit an adorable girl. I saw your fight on the log. I must say, you're quite skilled."  
  
Shampoo thought she was going to melt.  
  
Soap thought she might melt too, but more from the heat of her battle aura than anything else. This is the girl who had that blockhead Mousse worshipping the ground she walked on! How dare she try and snare yet another man for her to use and abuse as she sees fit?!  
  
"Ranma," her honey-sweet voice sounded sickening to Shampoo, who was immediately shaken from her sudden romantic daydream, "why you no stay with Soap, if you have no else to go?" She clamped onto his arm, and Shampoo's eyes narrowed at the implied challenge.  
  
Ranma turned the full force of his grin onto her, and she had to stop her knees from quivering. "No, no, I couldn't possibly impose on you like this," he said softly, in a tone that made every inch of her feel warm.  
  
"Because he stay with Shampoo!" Shampoo continued for him, then grabbed his other arm and yanked him away, leaving a very confused and angry Soap standing in the middle of a wide ring of younger girls.  
  
Shampoo smiled up at him. "First prize for fight is big feast! You want share with Shampoo?"  
  
He sighed fondly at her beautiful, sing-song voice, then cast a worried glance at Soap, who seemed torn between walking up angrily, or walking away dejectedly.  
  
"Come now, we couldn't just leave your friend by herself. Soap! Would you join us?"  
  
Shampoo growled and her eyes twitched slightly as the emerald-haired girl let out a small cheer, then raced up and latched onto his other arm.  
  
She was about to complain about the added company, but the moment her violet eyes met with his blue ones, she suddenly found all her assertiveness and self-confidence had fled. Sighing internally, she resigned herself to the fact that she'd have to share the Ranma's company with her rival.  
  
She didn't take into account the hail of knives, maces, and bladed chains that were suddenly streaming towards the trio, or the shout that just barely preceded them.  
  
"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY SHAMPOO!!!"  
  
  
  
Ranma didn't immediately register the shout or the meaning behind it, as his mind subconsciously rotated the approaching streams of sharp, pointy metal things to top priority. After he identified them as sharp and pointy, not to mention quite probably lethal, he noted that they seemed to be aimed at Soap, even though all three of the teenagers were in close proximity to each other.  
  
Shampoo, who was still working through the surprise of the incidence, was suddenly pushed to one side. Soap, who had just passed the surprise and was entering the life-flashing-before-eyes stage, was just as suddenly gathered into Ranma's arms as he leapt away from area being attacked.  
  
The various blades and bladed chains imbedded themselves harmlessly in the bamboo wall of a nearby hut as Ranma landed softly on the ground a good 12 meters from where he had leapt from.  
  
The daze from the sudden chain of events was the only thing that kept Soap's grip on Ranma loose enough for the pigtailed boy to gently lower her onto the ground. That accomplished, he turned to look for their assailant.  
  
*Glomp*  
  
Only to find that the young man with long black hair in white robes had apparently found him first, and had grabbed him in a tight hug.  
  
{Shampoo! Are you all right? That foreign pig didn't hurt you, did he?} Mousse shook Ranma gently, then blinked. Ranma idly noticed that a pair of thick glasses were settled over his forehead.  
  
{Say, did you have a growth spurt? You look taller.}  
  
Ranma blinked, not having understood a single word the Chinese boy had said.  
  
*Smash* *Wham*  
  
Ranma blinked again as Shampoo and Soap beat Mousse with their weapons, a bonbori and a quarterstaff respectively.  
  
Shampoo quickly turned away from the flattened hidden weapons master. "Ranma! You no hurt is you?"  
  
*Glomp* Ranma was subjected to a much warmer hug from Soap.  
  
"You save me!" She sighed dreamily, then noticed that Shampoo had again taken the opposite arm.  
  
They stood glaring at each other and hanging off of Ranma for some time, though his attention was centered on the young Amazon groaning and slowly getting up.  
  
"That looked like it hurt," he offered.  
  
Mousse shook his head, then lowered his glasses to cover his eyes. Once he was able to make out which blurry figure was his beloved Shampoo and which one was the wretched foreigner, he growled and took a sword out of his sleeve.  
  
"You! Get away from my Shampoo!" Shampoo's glare was suddenly redirected in such a way as to make it perfectly clear to anyone with more than 8 brain cells that she did not appreciate Mousse's intervention. Naturally, the subject of her glare didn't quite catch on.  
  
Ranma wasn't looking at her at the moment, so he had an excuse. "Ah, of course, someone so beautiful couldn't possibly be without a lover. I'm sorry about all this."  
  
Shampoo gasped as Ranma's arm was suddenly free from her grip. Soap smirked at her as the emerald-haired girl led away her prize. "You have fun with Mousse now, okay? Some not lucky as Shampoo to have dedicated boyfriend!" Giggling, she nuzzled her head up against Ranma, who just smiled warmly at her as she pulled him through the village.  
  
  
  
Shampoo was seething. Her entire body was trembling slightly, and her left eye had developed a sporadic twitch.  
  
*Glomp*  
  
Mousse's presence didn't help one iota.  
  
{Shampoo! That Japanese pig didn't touch you, did he? I swear, if he did I'll-AUGH!!!}  
  
*Wham* *Smash* *Crunch* *Bang* *Crash*  
  
Shampoo dusted her hands off and let out a long breath, having worked out a good deal of stress on her unwanted suitor.  
  
Mousse lay in a crumpled, broken heap, resting not-so-peacfully atop the shattered remains of a nearby hut.  
  
Reasserting her glare, Shampoo took off at a run to find her quarry.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Her quarry was currently busy against the wall of another hut, giggling/chuckling to themselves.  
  
Soap's body already had Ranma's pressed flat against the wall of bamboo, and from the hungry look in her eyes it would have been apparent to anyone less clueless that she didn't want to stop there.  
  
"But seriously, is that Mousse guy that bad? I mean, he did mistake me for Shampoo, but still-" he was suddenly silenced when his companion put her index finger against his lips.  
  
"We no talk about Shampoo no more, okay? She have Mousse." Soap smiled, and suddenly her arms rose up to wrap around his neck.  
  
"And Soap have you!" Ranma blinked, and Soap moved in for the kill.  
  
Only to be yanked away at the last second.  
  
Fairly disoriented, not to mention quite disappointed, Soap realized that it was now Shampoo who stood next to Ranma, glaring at her as if she thought that maybe she could bore holes through the other Amazon with her eyes.  
  
At another time, another place, and with a different prize, Soap would have backed down before the village champion, albeit reluctantly. But there was no way she was going to leave Ranma to that spoiled little princess!  
  
Shampoo's deadly glare turned into an almost amused smirk as Soap flipped her long green ponytail behind her back and unslung her staff. She herself took out her bonbori, and the girls shifted into fighting stances.  
  
"Shampoo, Soap no let you have this one!" Soap's eyes displayed as much challenge as her posture.  
  
"You want fight? We fight!" Shampoo matched her rival glare for glare, and they charged.  
  
When they were but 3 feet away however, their weapons aimed for a swift strike, a strong hand suddenly held them away from each other, stopping their charge instantly.  
  
Shampoo looked up almost reverently from where Ranma held her shoulder, gently but with so much strength, to look into his deep blue eyes, twin sapphires that seemed to swallow her up in their depths. A quick glance at Soap revealed she wasn't doing much better.  
  
Ranma let out a depressed sigh which quickly snapped both women out of their daydreaming. He looked at each of them apologetically.  
  
"I... I'm sorry about this. But please, don't fight like this. I'm really not worth it." He spared a glance at each of them again, then lowered his head and backed off. "Maybe it would be best if I left, before I cause any more trouble."  
  
Shampoo and Soap watched, horrified, as the man that they both hoped to someday father their children walked off sadly.  
  
The two rivals looked at each other, then suddenly nodded.  
  
  
  
*Double-glomp*  
  
"Shampoo no fight! You no leave Shampoo, okay?"  
  
"Is all right with Soap! You no go away!"  
  
Ranma looked down at them hopefully, then broke out into a warm smile again. Both girls hung limply on his arms, perfectly content with each other, so long as they were in his company.  
  
Ranma's danger sense flared, but it was just a millisecond too late.  
  
*Klang!* *Splash* *Hsssssss...*  
  
Ranma tried to rub the sore spot on his head where the kettle of hot water hit him, but something was restricting the movement of his arm. Feeling not a little bit flustered and confused, Ranma's mind spontaneously played the last few minutes over again to him. His eyes widened, then looked over to confirm what his stumbling memory told him.  
  
A curvaceous girl with lush purple hair cursed in Mandarian as she wiped some water off of her spandex sweatsuit with her free hand.  
  
On the other side, the greenhead's curves were far more pronounced, as her blouse was now clinging to her skin in some very interesting ways.  
  
About two seconds were set aside for logical thought on the situation...  
  
"YAUGH!!!"  
  
Shampoo and Soap were suddenly bereft of one pigtailed martial artist as he extricated his arms as if they were on fire.  
  
The two Amazons looked back at him confusedly, as he was now apparently trying to backpedal through the wall of a nearby hut.  
  
"Wh-wh-wh-what am I doing?!" the two Amazons didn't quite know how to answer that, so they resumed staring at him until a large, heavy set man in a white gi appeared between them.  
  
"Boy, what do you think you're doing? We don't have time for you to go wandering around strange villages like this!" Genma glared down at his son, fairly certain that the boy was back to normal now.  
  
"I... I..." Ranma desperately tried to get his mouth to work, but couldn't think of anything to say. Finally, he decided to completely forgo the witty comeback, and grabbed Genma's arm and started dragging him away from the two Amazon women.  
  
"You're absolutely right, Pop. We've gotta go. Bye Soap! Bye Shampoo!" He shouted out their names in hurry, not looking back as he speeded up his exit.  
  
*Smash* Genma's form was suddenly far harder to drag, as a bonbori and quarterstaff rendered him unable to move by himself.  
  
Ranma halted as his path was blocked by two wet Amazons.  
  
"Ranma, you no leave, okay? Shampoo have so much to show you!" Her licentous smil and the sway of her hips made him shiver as he tried to imagine what she was talking about.  
  
Soap simply latched onto him again and nodded her head in agreement.  
  
Both girls noticed, strangely enough, that Ranma now seemed nervous and almost fearful, lacking the smooth, strong confidence he had shown them just before. He also seemed to find Soap's touch distinctly uncomfortable.  
  
"Uh, l-look, I, uh...... well......" Ranma was stumped as to what to say as they simply waited patiently for him to concede to their requests, eyes shining up at him adoringly.  
  
A hundred questions barrelled through his mind. 'Why are they lookin' at me like that? What's going on here? How did Pops find me? What was I doing? Where'd all those knives come from?' The last thought was plucked out and hung before the rest, and his brain offered up a 'What the hell?!', before it forced his body into action.  
  
Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, Shampoo and Soap also saw the approaching weapons, and tried to pull him to safety. In opposite directions.  
  
After a moment of intense pain, he managed to toss both girls to the side before jumping up himself, the various blades digging deep into the hard- packed Earth.  
  
Ranma landed, then turned to his attacker, unsurprised to find that it was the same white-robed nimrod from before. He would've reprimanded the sap for attacking him and then pounded the living daylights out of him, except that he was fairly sure the girls would do it for him. He had better things to do anyway. His gaze locked onto Genma's prone form, and he set his course of action.  
  
  
  
"So! I turn my back for one moment, and here you are, trying to seduce my Shampoo! Ignorance is a one-time excuse, outsider! What have you to say for yourself?" He scowled darkly at the figure before him, totally unaware that he was addressing a battered training dummy someone had left out in front of their home.  
  
His own, rather underdeveloped danger sense flared, and he turned around, dropping his glasses down to his eyes, so that he may actually be able to identify the threath.  
  
He blinked in surprise. "Shampoo? Soap?"  
  
  
  
Ranma grunted under Genma's heavy weight as he ran through the village, mentally cursing the old man's fondness for food. Several Amazons gave shot him questioning glances as he passed through-outsider males were rare, more so those that ran around toting men twice their size in fireman carries-but he paid them no mind. He was utterly focused on getting out the village, even if he had to lug Genma's impressive girth the whole way.  
  
As loud noises of splintering wood and collapsing walls erupted from behind him, Ranma's father suddenly seemed a lot lighter, and he ran faster.  
  
  
  
End Chapter 1 


End file.
